Easy Ways for Partners to Support a New Mom

So often partners feel like there's "not much" they can do to help with a new baby because they can't breastfeed.  It’s true: feeding a baby takes up a good chunk of the day.  But that doesn’t mean that Dad is rendered obsolete!  It just means that finding other ways to help out and support the new mom in your life is even more important.

Diaper Changes

You don’t need boobs to change a diaper!  Every time we welcomed new baby, I didn't change a diaper for at least the first 7 days.  With our Big Guy, it was definitely a solid 14 days.  I didn't even know how to change a diaper until Derek went back to work!  For those of you who are wondering if that counts middle of the night changes – yes.  Derek took the first two weeks off so he wasn’t worried about too much about productivity the next day but I can see how this would be difficult in situations where dad was returning to work right away and, if that’s the case, when Dada is home let him take over diapers.

Checkin’ In

Postpartum is a wild ride.  Every few days, ask her how she's feeling.  How is she recovering, physically, from birth?  How are her boobs feeling now that her milk has come in?  How does she feel like she's coping, emotionally, with these changes?  How does she feel like she's doing, mentally, now that sleep deprivation is at play?  Be conscientious to the fact that her hormones are going crazy.  Don't assume that she's fine because she's putting on a brave face.

Hold That Baby!

There's no better time for baby to be in your arms than when they aren't being fed.  Don't wait for her to ask and don’t phrase it in a question (like “do you want me to hold the baby?”).  TELL her that now that she’s done feeding, you would like to hold the baby.  Whether she realizes it or not, her arms and shoulders need a break.

Keep Her Fed

Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, a gal needs to eat. If she is breastfeeding, she’ll be extra, extra hungry.  Put food in front of her, often.  Make her coffee or tea.  Keep her waterbottle filled.  I'd suggest a good balance of comfort food, treats and healthy options but that's just me and treats are definitely the way to my heart. You know what she likes.  Keep in mind that, more often than not, she’ll have her arms full with baby so food that is easy to manage with one hand are ideal.  If you’re at a loss here are some good options:

• Oatmeal

• Tea/Coffee

• Eggs and toast

• Soups

• Smoothies

• Avocado (just slather that shizz on everything: chips, crackers, toast)

• Muffins (if you used a certain doula for your birth *heyo,* you’ll probably get a special delivery to your door)

• Fresh fruit/vegetables cut up

• Cadbury mini eggs (just being real here)

Rub-A-Dub-Dub

Bath time is a no pressure way to have fun with a baby.  They love the warm water and it, usually, has an amazing calming effect on them.  Plus, seeing them use their little limbs to kick and splash in delight is nothing short of adorable. You can even jump in the bath with baby. Yeah, they’re slippery when wet but I’m fairly confident, without even knowing you, that you won’t drop them. If doesn’t sound like a great baby job to be responsible for, I don’t know what is!

Wakey-Wakey

Can I level with you for a minute?  The first few nights as a brand new, first-time mom can be a real shock to the system.  There are all these foreign things to figure out; some that can actually be quite challenging (hello, breastfeeding!).  Sitting there alone, while the whole world is sleeping and you’re struggling to get baby to latch correctly can feel overwhelming, isolating and lonely. Don’t let her work her way through those first few nights alone.  Be present in that moment with her – and not just as a warm snoring body!

It’s Your Baby Too!

She's learning all about breastfeeding and/or bottle feeding.  Don't let it be something she needs to learn by herself.  Actively listen when your midwife/nurse is showing her how to do it. Be inquisitive. Ask questions. This way, if there comes a time where she’s frustrated or questioning whether she’s doing it right, you can offer an informed answer and actually help her!  Talk about a way to earn major clout.  Read the manual on the breastpump or Baby Brezza so that you can help her figure it out.  Master putting a bottle together.  Make cleaning the bottles or parts of the breast pump your contribution to the process.  She will thank you for it – trust me!

Lavish Praise

There comes a point in every new mom’s life where they are convinced they’re doing “it” wrong.  Your job is to be her cheer-cheer-cheerleader to quash that niggly voice of doubt.  Acknowledge everything she's doing and how AMAZING she is as a mom.  Gush to everyone you talk to about how she was a TOTAL badass in the birthing room. Could you have picked a better woman to be the mother of your child? No? Say it loud and proud!  Thank her for bringing your baby into the world - it was no easy feat.  Lay it on thick!

Now, on your end, ladies, if you have a new dad in your life who’s killing it at supporting you during this season of life, make sure he knows that you see what he’s doing and that you appreciate him.  Tell him you wouldn’t be able to do this without him. Let him learn his own way to do things (I know, women everywhere are grimacing). But, really, if you want help (and you’ll need help), you need to give him the space to figure it all out his way. Most, importantly, it’s a great way for dad and baby to forge their own bond.  Life with a brand new baby can be trying for both parties and, remember, it’s new for both of you.  Above all else, do your best to be gentle with each other.